Two More Waals

Meet Our Kids

2011-07-01T20:54:00.012-04:00

These are the adopted kids of the presenters of the orphans workshop at NYC.

Neti and Meke Waal
Daughers of Tracy and Rhonda
Adopted from Ethiopia, July 2007

Meet Meke Meet Neti
(pictured at age 3 and 6)
www.twomorewaals.blogspot.com

_________________________________________________

Paulina Tooley
Daughter of Joel and Pam
Adoption from Mexico, in progress

Meet Paulina

www.thetooleyfamily.blogspot.com

__________________________________________________________

Phineas Smith
Son of James and Kelly
Adopted from Ethiopia, January 2011

Meet Phin

www.thesimplestuf.blogspot.com

143 Million and Counting...

2011-07-01T20:36:00.014-04:00

A shout out to all Naz NYCers who are passionate about changing the world for orphans...

Joel Tooley, James Smith, and I will be presenting a workshop at on Friday, July 9, in Room 116. We've all been youth pastors and we've all adopted!

143 Million and Counting: Caring for Orphans in a Broken World
Have you ever been or felt abandoned? 143 million children worldwide are orphans...children who have been abandoned or who have been left alone without a family. So, what is a young person like you suppose to do about such a significant issue? This workshop will explore God's expectation of His followers to care for orphans while providing an opportunity for you to become someone who can actually help restore this part of our broken world.

Hope you'll join us!

Click here to meet our adopted kids.

It's Orphan Sunday!

2009-11-08T08:57:00.001-05:00

Ethiopian Orphans from Simon Scionka on Vimeo.

Book Winners

2008-12-15T20:10:00.004-05:00

Well, the contest is officially over today. It became so difficult for our family to determine the winners that we finally just put your names all in a hat and did the random thing. Congratulations to all of you on your adoptions. We'll be sending the books out to the winners tomorrow morning. Hopefully, you'll have them for Christmas.

Jason & Shelley from Tenessee are adopting 2 children internationally
Lisa from Ohio adopting 1 internationally
Jenny from Indiana adopting 1 domestically
Jackie & Josue from Ohio adopting 1 internationally
Emily from North Carolina adopting 1 internationally
Ashley from North Carolina adopting 1 internationally
Matt and Kerry Ann from Utah adopting 1 internationally

As a consolation prize for the rest of you here's my favorite Christmas video of all time - our girls experiencing their first snow.

Free Book Christmas Contest

2008-11-25T19:51:00.009-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post, we've received several copies of "Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive Family" for submitting three articles that appear in the book.

I'm giving them away to people who are IN THE PROCESS OF ADOPTION but don't have their kids home yet. (I apologize to those who are thinking of adopting. In the last post I said you'd be eligible too. I've decided only to include those who have taken the adoption plunge.)

All you've got to do is click the link below and answer a few questions honestly. (Be sure to do the personal information thing accurately as this is how we'll notify the winners).

Entry deadline is December 12. Winners will be posted on (or before) December 15.

Click Here to take survey

Contest Coming Soon!

2008-11-21T18:41:00.002-05:00

You've probably figured out by now that I quit blogging exactly one year after we brought our girls home. Since then life has "normalized". No need for futher blog entries. Since I still get emails from people who use twomorewaals blog in their decision to adopt, the blogsite will remain online for all to read (or reminisce).

This post is for those of you who are either thinking of or are in the process of adopting. Several months ago a publisher who found the blogsite asked permission to use several posts for a new book titled "Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive Family" (just published this fall). I get paid for our contribution in copies of the book. I only need one copy. I'll give away the rest (and even pay the shipping fees).

So, be looking for a post in the next several days with details on how to enter the "contest). It'll be easy, I promise. No essays. Just a few questions to answer.

One Year Later

2008-07-09T12:19:00.004-04:00

The day we first met... ...and exactly one year later.

ONE YEAR!

2008-07-08T22:46:00.002-04:00

It's hard to believe, but a year ago tomorrow we met our little girls for the first time. To celebrate I compiled a list of my 10 favorite moments (at least the ones I've blogged about) since the adoption. It’s tough to put them in order, but I’ll try.

10. Hide and Seek – Typical of the type of fun Neti and Meke like to have with Daddy.

9. Sunday Apples – I love the innocence of a little girl trying to impress her Daddy with her ability to count in English.

8. A Night of Significance – This was my first solo flight with the girls in public. Three months of English was just enough to make the communication barrier a bit awkward. You may know this as Potty (part 1) and Potty (part 2)

7. Easy to Buy For – Neti’s standard reaction to her first ever Christmas is priceless.

6. A Lesson in Parenting – Early on we tried to strip Neti of taking on the unhealthy role of being “mom” for her younger sister. However, even before she spoke English she had some great parenting instincts.

5. Traveling With Meke – Rhonda’s sickness forced Meke and I to connect on the long plane ride home from Ethiopia.

4. SNOW! – This magical video has received more comments than any other blog entry.

3. Neti’s Gift – For a little girl struggling with the loss of everything familiar to her, THIS is a “being Dad’s worth it” moment!

2. Meeting Neti and Meke – Here’s a short video I posted from the Ethiopian Hilton the night after our family became complete.

1. Love, Daddy – OK, it’s not a moment but still captures the heart of it all.

Honorable Mention
These didn’t make the cut, but are still worth the mention:

Just Before Bed – A in-English conversation that amazed me after only three months in America.
Which nouns are verbs?
“I Support Orphans” – Dropping your daughter on her head should probably have cracked the top 10.
Meke Dancing Queen – Ha!
Hope – This entry seemed to strike a chord with those in the adoption process (or considering it).

It's a Small, Small World

2008-06-13T17:06:00.003-04:00

For those of you who loved the T-shirt story, this one's even better.

When we were at the orphanage in July, 2007, we snapped a picture of Neti and Meke with their best friends. However, after 10 months of living in America, we don't know their names (the girls have forgotten).

When our good friends, Seth and Apryl, traveled to Ethiopia to pick up their two adopted kids last month, we sent a stack of photos of Neti and Meke to show the orphanage workers. Among the photos was the "best friends" photo taken 10 months earlier. We had instructed Apryl to do some detective work and see if she could find out the best friends' names.

While in Ethiopia, Seth and Apryl became close with another family, the Heinrichs, who were staying in the same hotel and adopting an older child. Here's Apryl's account of her "bilingual" conversation with the Heinrich's adopted daughter, Selam:

Before we left the hotel yesterday, I had the envelope with photos of your girls in my hand in the lobby. Selam sat next to me and I thought that perhaps she would recognize the girls we were looking for. So I took out the picture of Meke and Neti with the nannies at Kids Care. Selam said the names of the nannies, and I said, "Meke, Neti...Mekdelwit and Netsanet". Selam repeated what I said. I'm just thinking she's repeating me, right? So I flip to the photo of the girls with their friends and Selam says "Meke, Neti, Me." I said, "What? Selam?" Then I looked at the picture again (I hadn't looked at it since we left). It's Selam! She's Neti's special friend from Kid's Care!

We were only hoping for a name. Now we know a whole lot more.

So here's Neti and her best friend from the orphanage, Selam.

(And to wrap it all up with a big red bow...note the shirt Neti happens to be wearing)

Meke's Fairy Tale

2008-05-24T12:48:00.002-04:00

The preschool Meke attends encourages kids to use their imagination and tell stories. This past week the teachers sat down and recorded the kid's stories word for word and sent them home. Here's Meke's:

I am the Princess Neti. I live in the castle with the other princesses. Then the prince comes. The prince goes with the other princess. Then the other princess goes with the prince. Then the castle goes with the other princess. I go with the castle. I look at the prince. The prince goes with me.

The end.

A Baseball Team

2008-05-13T22:19:00.002-04:00

Saturday we spent a little bit of time getting to know Fetya and Josiah, the Harbaugh's new kids, at the park. Lots of fun!

Welcome Home

2008-05-13T22:08:00.003-04:00

Our friends, the Harbaugh's, arrived home from Ethiopia last week with their two little ones. Last Sunday night we took gifts and a special welcome home sign over to their house, rang the doorbell, and ran. By the way, Dave won the caption contest.

Food Fights

2008-05-08T19:10:00.003-04:00

We've experienced nearly every extreme food-wise in the past 9 months - especially with Meke. From the very beginning they could really pack it away. Meke could out-eat every member of the family. I remember one meal where she had 3 1/2 bratwursts (in buns), 2-3 piles of corn, some fruit, and several helpings of dessert - at the age of three! Neti shed some light on the reasons for gorging.

Then we went through the messy phase. Rhonda would argue that Neti's still there. There's improvement, though. The food hasn't found its way into her hair or ears for several months. And I can't remember the last time she had food on her forehead.

Not to long ago both girls cycled through the SLOOOOWWWW phase. Meke was especially turtlesome. It wasn't uncommon for her to be half done with her first helping a thirty minutes or more after everyone else had left the table.

Neti's good. I like the way she eats now (except for an occasional slurp or spill). But Meke! Once she ate everything. Now she's picky.

It seems she's of the mind that she can pick and choose what's to eat DESPITE what was prepared. Several weeks ago, for example, we had chicken for dinner. Meke likes chicken a lot. But for reasons hidden from us she decided she wasn't going to eat chicken that night. She sat at the table in poutful defiance until we dismissed her to bed without eating (her choice).

Next morning while everyone else was eating Lucky Charms, we peeled back the plastic wrap and served Meke chicken. Nope. Pack it away again for lunch. Nope again.

That evening we had friends over. Can't remember what we ate that night...but Meke had chicken. Surely after nearly 24 hours without food she'd eat it! Nope. For the fourth time we packed it away in the fridge. It was only when the other kids were eating dessert when she decided chicken wasn't so bad after all and gobbled it in less than two minutes with no problem at all.

We repeated the scene today. A few days ago she was begging for third helpings of spaghetti. Evidently it wasn't lunchworthy today. Lots of objections and whining ended in a tearful empty-bellied nap.

She ate it tonight for dinner before her hot dogs.

Submit a Caption

2008-05-01T22:34:00.002-04:00

Our friends, the Harbaughs, are in Ethiopia this week. This photo of Seth and their new baby, Josiah, was posted on their blogsite. It's in need of a caption, don't you think? So hit that comment button and submit one. The best caption will win ---- um ---- an award for winning --- or something.

Watch an Adoption Happen

2008-04-27T22:13:00.002-04:00

Some of our best friends in the world, the Harbaughs, are in Ethiopia as we speak. They'll be meeting their kids face to face for the first time in just a matter of hours. Check it out here.

Vocabulary Development

2008-04-18T23:21:00.001-04:00

But certainly not American Idol material!!!

Just Pictures

2008-04-18T20:08:00.004-04:00

A T-Shirt Story (Part 5)

2008-04-15T19:29:00.003-04:00

Last week, another mother in Belgium was reading our blog with her daughter, Yeabsera, who was adopted from Ethiopia in August. When they came across the post called A T-Shirt Story the little girl recognized the purple striped shirt immediately. In May of 2007 the six-year-old's caretakers told her that a forever family had been found. They chose the purple striped shirt for Yeabsera to wear for the official government photos that had to be taken.

Two months later that same shirt would be worn by Netsanet (Neti) on the day she went home with her forever family.

And in October a little girl named Tsion would wear the shirt home to her forever family in Belgium.

According to the tag the shirt was made in India and imported to Spain (one of the countries Kid's Care Orphanage serves).

The brand name of the shirt is, appropriately, Exit Kids.

Finally!

2008-04-12T23:05:00.003-04:00

Some of our best friends in the world just officially became parents of two little ones in Ethiopia. You can have a look here. They'll be traveling to Africa soon. Our whole family is super excited for them.

For those who don't know the story, the Harbaughs found our blogsite over a year ago. After exchanging emails we discovered we live 10 miles away from each other. Both of us were in process of adopting two children from Ethiopia from the same agency. Our families have been getting together about once per week for at least half a year.

A T-Shirt Story (Part 4)

2008-04-12T21:30:00.003-04:00

Wow!

This T-shirt thing has generated more email than any post in recent memory (maybe ever).

But there's more...

Another adoptive mother emailed me. Seems her daughter also has a significant connection with this shirt (the purple-striped one). If she gives permission I'll fill you in. If not, just know that the shirt has played a significant role in the adoption of a third little girl.

I feel a children's book coming on.

A T-Shirt Story (Part 3)

2008-04-10T17:37:00.002-04:00

There's a missing element to the story of the T-shirts. IF we could only figure out where these shirts originated from it'd be a much more compelling story. I'm guessing that most of the clothes the orphanage uses are donated. Imagine if we could somehow find the Mom who purchased the shirt several years ago for her little girl. Where are they from? How old is that little girl now? Where did they donate the shirt and how did it end up in an orphanage in Ethiopia?

And where was the shirt made? (the shirt's probably seen more of the world than I have!)

There's only one person who would be interested in something like this and rich enough to pull it off.

So, Oprah, what do you think?

A T-Shirt Story (Part 2)

2008-04-09T18:45:00.006-04:00

(Believe it or not, this one's true too!)

Yesterday, another mother in Belgium was looking at our blog with her daughter, Mastewal, who was adopted from Ethiopia a few months ago. When they came across the post called, A T-Shirt Story, the little girl looked at the picture with astonishment. She was pointing at our youngest adopted daughter, Meke, wearing a pink ladybug shirt.

Meke donned this shirt the July day we took her and Neti home from the orphanage. Since we brought clothes for both girls, we opted to leave the shirt at the orphanage, knowing they'd continue put it to good use.

Later that same month, a 7-year-old little girl arrived at Kid's Care orphanage in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. One morning her caretakers chose a pink ladybug shirt for this little girl named Mastewal.

The shirt was a perfect fit - so perfect that it made the trip all the way with her across the sea with her forever family in Belgium, where her mother will read her "A T-Shirt Story (Part 2)" tomorrow.

The End.

A T-Shirt Story

2008-04-06T10:43:00.005-04:00

Today, a mother in Belgium was reading our blog to her daughter, Tsion, who was adopted from Ethiopia a few months ago. When they came across the post called, Two Great People, the little girl's eyes got big. "That girl is wearing my clothes! This is T-shirt Tsion!”

She was pointing at our oldest adopted daughter, Neti, wearing a purple and white striped T-shirt.

Neti donned this shirt the July day we took her and Meke home from the orphanage. Since we brought clothes for both girls, we opted to leave the shirt at the orphanage, knowing they'd continue put it to good use.

For several months the shirt was undoubtedly shared by several little girls (according to Neti, sharing clothes in the orphanage is common practice). During those months a 4-year-old little girl was going through major changes in her life.

In October, that little girl arrived at Kid's Care orphanage in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. She was introduced to her new living quarters, a very small room with two sets of bunk beds shared by several other little girls. In the corner of her new bedroom sat a table covered with a pink and white cloth - the same table - and same room - Neti and Meke had occupied several months earlier.

Each morning the caretakers would lay clothes out for their kids on the pink and white table. One morning a purple striped shirt was chosen for a little girl name Tsion. The shirt was a perfect fit - so perfect that it made the trip all the way with her forever family across the sea to Belgium, where her mother will read her "A T-Shirt Story" tomorrow.

The End.

Reading

2008-04-01T20:28:00.004-04:00

We recently found out that Neti and Meke had never seen a book up close before becoming members of our family. No one had ever read to them. We didn't realize it at the time but this picture taken in the Ethiopia airport lobby is probably one of Meke's first exposures to a book (7-15-07).

Most evenings when I get home from work Neti meets me at the door with book in hand and asks me to read. Tonight I told her I wanted her to read to me.

I asked her if she knew the letter sounds. She did. It was just a matter of putting them together. We got the ABC flashcards out and I started arranging words around the letter "A".

Buh - - aaaa - - duh

Buh - aa - duh

Buh-a-duh

buh a duh

Bad?

I wish I had the camera rolling to capture the moment when she first realized she read a word. (Had I been thinking I probably would've chosen a better first word).

We did as many three letter words as I could arrange...then four...then five. Each success was followed by a squeal and orders to "make another one, Daddy". Meke got in on the act too. She knows just about all of her letter sounds but was mostly unsuccessful in her attempts to meld them into a word.

Suh - - aaaa - - tuh

Suh - aaa - tuh

Suh-aa-tuh

Tea?

Not quite. She was able to get a few of the three-letter words. Her first word was "cat".

Tonight before bed, Neti read a beginning reader book to Meke.

Tomorrow she wants to read the Disney Princess Collection to Mommy.

Easter Sunday

2008-03-25T18:36:00.003-04:00

Eggs

2008-03-23T09:55:00.001-04:00

Another first...

8 Months

2008-03-10T00:15:00.002-04:00

Here's where we were eight months ago...

...and here's where we are now...

Drawings

2008-03-09T16:10:00.005-04:00

Here's Meke's latest interpretation of Daddy and Mommy...

...and Neti's latest version of Daddy...

Sometimes We Forget

2008-03-08T23:26:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow (the 9th) will be 8 months since we first met Neti and Meke face to face. Tonight I was sifting through the old videos and was amazed at the changes that have taken place in all our lives. I had almost forgotten the phases we've gone through in language, bonding, relationship, etc. Here are a few video reminders in timeline-fashion. You've probably seen them all before. Is it just me or is the change amazing when you watch them back to back?

Two Days

One Week

Three Weeks

Three Months

Five Months

Seven Months

I need to crack out the camera again soon and capture another moment before it's gone!

Not Mr. Mom

2008-02-21T18:32:00.001-05:00

Rhonda worked again last night. I failed at being Mr. Mom today. I completely forgot about Bethany's basketball game. Didn't get there until the end of the 3rd quarter. Oops.

Mr. Mom

2008-02-20T18:45:00.003-05:00

This post is dedicated to all you moms and dads out there who do this everyday...

Rhonda works two nights a week at the hospital. On the days following I'm responsible for getting the kids dressed and transport them to and from school. Usually it's pretty straightforward. However, today we had the dreaded 2-hour inconvenience - er, uh - delay. Sometimes these are caused by natural phenomena like snow, ice, or fog. But every once in awhile the school administration PLANS them. Today was such a day - a planned interruption to a parent's day.

Now, I'm my own boss. I'm guessing my schedule is more flexible than those who work for "the Man". I'm wondering what those with "real" jobs do with their kids. I didn't punch the handyman clock until 3:30PM, simply because I was running kids around all day.

8:45 - Drop Meke off at preschool
9:15 - Take Kailey and the neighbor girl to the bus stop
9:40 - Haul Bethany and friend to school
10:40 - Drop Neti off at school
11:30 - Pick Meke up from preschool
2:15 - Bethany home from school
2:45 - Kailey home from school
3:20 - Meet Neti at the bus stop

3:30-5:30 - Handymanning work...FINALLY!!! (I was so excited that I backed my truck into a fence. Broken tail light.)

5:30 - Make diner for everyone
6:00 - Rhonda off to her next 12-hour shift
7:00 - Pick Bethany up from basketball

Hats off to all of you who do this everyday.

Sharing, Gratitude, and Generosity

2008-02-16T19:31:00.002-05:00

I'm finding that kids are kids, regardless of background. They need to learn the same lessons. I was hoping that a few of the things Rhonda and I instilled in our older girls would automatically be part of Neti and Meke's DNA because of their background and experience. At the orphanage, everything was shared. According to Neti, no one owned any clothes. Outfits were rotated among the kids. They had almost no toys. There was only one ball that all 70 kids shared...etc. I expected Neti and Meke, therefore, to be more grateful, more sharing, and more generous, simply because of this background.

My expectations were unrealistic. I found out at Christmas, that Neti had to be taught how to give to others. It's not automatic.

The lessons continued today - this time with Meke. We were preparing to take a trip to WalMart to spend the $5 Valentine's Day money they receieved in the mail from Grandma. Our family practices giving a minimum of 10% of all earnings to those less fortunate. Our kids have a special bank with a slot for "others".

I decided today would be as good as any to introduce the concept to Neti and Meke. I anticipated a little bit of pushback from Neti, but to my surprise she counted out 50 pennies and dropped them into the appropriate slot.

I could tell from the body language that this wasn't sitting well with Meke.

"What's wrong Meke?"

"I don't want to give money. I want to buy something."

"You can buy something, but we want you to share the good things God has given us with others. Don't you want to share with others?"

"I want to buy something."

"But you need to share too. It's just like your toys. You share your toys, right? We want you to share your money too - with people who don't have very much - like kids in the orphanage in Ethiopia - you know, like your old friends..."

"I don't like to share."

"You don't like to share? Yes, you do! You're a good sharer, Meke. You share your toys. You share your bed. You share..."

"I don't like to be sharing money."

"You don't like sharing money?"

"No."

I was a bit stunned. It took several seconds of silence to ponder my next move.

"So people shouldn't share money?"

"No. People shouldn't share money."

Her response to my question set me up even better than I had anticipated. I quietly picked up the Meke's new $5 bill and put it in the "out" mail slot on our refrigerator, leaving her with a handful of random coins. I could see the wheels turning in her head. When she finally realized she had forfeited the bill, the tears started flowing. She was only able to communicate between sobs.

"Daddy (sob) I (sob, sob) want (sob) my (sob) mo- (sob, sob) mo- (sob) money!"

"But people shouldn't share money. So we need to send that money back to Grandma."

"No. We should share."

"Even money?"

She didn't answer. Regaining her composure, she began dropping coins into the "others" slot without even counting. I helped her count as Neti began telling me of the good she hoped her money would do for someone without food.

200!

2008-02-16T17:23:00.006-05:00

This is post #200 to twomorewaals.

It's Not a Real Worm

2008-02-06T19:45:00.001-05:00

I'll probably get in trouble from Rhonda for this post.

Oh well.

When we came home from Ethiopia we brought home an unwelcome guest. Someone who has never been to our house before. He's overstayed his welcome. We're tired of him - ready for him to leave.

We have no idea whose body served as the initial host, but every one of us has had a personal visit (or two...or more) from him. (Some visits have been more personal than others.)

Mr. Ringworm has invaded.

Now, if you're like I was, you're probably thinking, "Ewww. A worm. Gross."

But your reaction would be based in ignorance. He's not a worm. He's a fungus that "survives by eating plant or animal material". Translation: THERE'S A MICROSCOPIC THING EATING YOU FOR BREAKFAST! The nice thing is that he's very symmetrical. He eats it in a circle or ring.

I've read up on him many times. He doesn't seem to play by the rules. At least not in our house. You're supposed to be able to get rid of him with an antifungal cream (just like his cousin, athlete's foot). I've religiously smothered him with the white stuff 3-4 times per day. In most cases it takes 6-8 weeks for him to leave a particular spot. Then, a few days after I've stopped treating him (because he's "gone"), he comes back in the exact same place.

And he's supposed to "thrive in places that are moist, hot, and hidden from the light". Now, if you were to read that in a description, where would you think he was found most often?

Exactly. Like you I immediately think ARMPIT! (What? That's not what you were thinking?)

Did any of you think, "Hmmm. Dark and moist? Of course, your CHIN!"

Evidently I must slobber a lot in the dark because he's paid a visit there at least three times.

Meke and I seem to be the hosts of choice. More than once we've been the final hope for getting rid of him once and for all. Such pressure! It's akin to being on the free throw line in a tie game with no time left. More than once we've failed the team.

So the game goes on...and on...

Six months and counting...

He's still here...

If we could only stop hugging each other maybe we'd stand a chance.

Cheating

2008-02-05T19:50:00.001-05:00

I've spent 14 years working with teens (nine as a paid youth pastor). Nothing got my goat more than cheating. It wasn't uncommon for teens (yes, even those good "church kids") to come to youth group and spend the first 15 minutes of free time "sharing" their homework answers.

I confronted cheating every time I saw it. The excuses they gave rang hollow.

"Everyone else does it."
"It's just homework. It's only 10% of my final grade. It's not a big deal."
"The teacher knows we do it and he doesn't say anything."
"I just have way too much homework every night. This is the only way I can get it all done and still get decent grades."

Is it any wonder kids graduate high school without knowing how to read?

We believe our kids should succeed OR FAIL based on their own merits, not on how sneaky they can be. Honesty isn't something that can (or should) be turned off and on based on circumstances. Dishonesty is cancer. It always starts small.

When I got home from work tonight Neti, Meke, and Kailey were playing Dutch Blitz, a high-speed and sometimes rowdy card game. The game starts with each player having four of their forty cards face up. ONES are good to have face up at the beginning. TWOS are also good.

I was in the room next door and heard the some arguing between Neti and Kailey (go figure). Neti and Meke had "shuffled" their cards and came up with more ONES than normal.

It looked suspicious. I proposed the solution: "Just shuffle again and start over." I left.

Once again the arguing started. I went to investigate. In front of Neti sat the best hand I'd ever seen: ONE, ONE, ONE, TWO. Meke had ONE, ONE, TWO, FOUR. (FYI: Each player only has four ones in their entire deck!)

"Neti, did you shuffle?"

"Yes, Daddy. We shuffled three times."

I had my doubts. I've played Dutch Blitz hundreds of times without ever having one hand that good, let alone two in a row. Either I have the luckiest two little girls in the world or there's something deceptive going on in their little hearts.

I reshuffled Neti's and Meke's hands for them and they continued playing.

Later, on the way to Bethany's basketball game I had a chance to talk with the girls alone in the van (Rhonda and Kailey rode in a separate vehicle).

"Neti and Meke. I want you to tell Daddy the truth. Did you cheat at Dutch Blitz?"

(silence)

"Did you put the cards to come up with all ONES?"

(long silence)

"You know it's really cool to come up with all ONES because you can win faster. But that doesn't hardly ever happen. It never happens every time. If it happens every time then people think that you're cheating."

(still silent)

"Cheating isn't a good thing. It's fun because it helps you win, but it's really like like lying or stealing. And if you cheat, you really didn't win anyway, because the game wasn't fair. The person who cheats makes the game not fair for everyone else. Mommy and I don't want anyone in our family to learn how to cheat."

The van was completely silent the rest of the way to the game. I didn't say another word.

I didn't need to.

Hide and Seek

2008-01-31T23:04:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I posted anything. Life's so normal that there's nothing new. Tonight we played a game of hide and seek. Enjoy.

Six Months Thoughts

2008-01-21T22:19:00.000-05:00

It's Martin Luther King Day. For some reason it takes on a little different feel this year. I wonder why? (smile)

I spent a good part of the day thinking about civil rights. It's so absurd to me that we separate from others because of color.

I can't imagine Bethany and Kailey forming a "White Daughters are Better" group any more than Neti and Meke forming a "Black Kids Alliance for Rightful Place in the Family".

They're our kids. All of them. None any more than another. I'd die for any one of them without hesitation. It would break my heart if they somehow lost sight of family and started separating themselves because of the amount of melanin in their skin.

Is that what God sees when we do the same?

On a more personal note... Time has flown. As of January 15, Neti and Meke have been part of our household for 6 months. Although life will never be the same as pre-Ethiopia (we don't want it to) some of the things we gave up temporarily for the sake of stability for Neti and Meke are slowly finding their way back into our routines.

For example, Aunt Pam gave Rhonda and I our first date in six months by taking all four of our girls overnight (also Neti and Meke's first sleepover). Almost everything for the last six months has centered around the new ones in the house. We're trying to learn what it means to be husband and wife again.

Food

2008-01-09T21:52:00.001-05:00

Neti and Meke's interaction with food has changed.

When we first brought them home from Ethiopia speed and quantity were priorities. They'd stuff their cheeks like a chipmunk preparing for winter while holding as much food as possible in both of their hands. And MAN, could they eat! Meke was, for at least a few months, by far the biggest eater in the family.

We seem to be in a different phase. SLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW.

Take tonight. We had pork chops, applesauce, and dinner rolls. I finished first. Then Bethany. Within a few minutes everyone was finished except Neti and Meke. They had only eaten about half of their pork chop and part of the applesauce. As the rest of us dismissed ourselves from the table we reminded them of the obvious.

"Neti. Meke. You need to eat."

I drove Bethany to basketball practice. When I got home I took out the garbage. Then Kailey and I went to the attic to retrieve the dozen or so Christmas totes to start de-holidizing the house. We had half the tree stripped when I caught a glimpse of the girls still nibbling away in the dining room.

It had been nearly 45 minutes since the rest of us pushed away from the table. Both of them had finished the pork chop but had half a bowl of applesauce and an entire roll left to eat. How long was this going to take?!?! And what in the world had they been doing this whole time?

If you know me very well you know this drives me crazy. I view meals as interruptions. To me, eating is equivalent to filling the gas tank (and only slightly more enjoyable).

I gave Neti and Meke a two-minute warning. They picked up the pace significantly, knowing that Daddy would follow through. I counted down the last 10 seconds aloud. When I hit "5" Meke smashed the entire roll into her mouth. Simultaneously, a thought entered my mind. "Is this effective parenting?" I ignored it and kept going. At "zero" both grabbed their plates and took them to the kitchen and headed for the then-naked Christmas tree to help out.

Ten minutes later both of them were hungry.

Ice

2008-01-06T21:41:00.000-05:00

Be warned!

Should you be considering an Ethiopian adoption, the child you end up with may carry a predisposition for ice.

Granted, we don't know if this cultural, genetic, or just novelty (Neti and Meke report not having ice in Ethiopia). What we do know is that ice is to Neti and Meke as ice cream is to most other kids. A bowl of ice would more than suffice for dessert. We're asked for ice on almost a daily basis. "No water, Daddy. Just ice!"

Sounds silly, but it's not. Neti takes ice especially seriously. Tonight after yet another round of tears concerning ice, we found ourselves doing something that's becoming increasingly familiar - we made yet another rule concerning ice-usage:

"Any and all ice consumed before bedtime must have ample time to melt before tooth brushing commences." In kid language: "No ice right before bed."

This is, of course, in addition to the other ice rules (no ice without cups, no more than three cubes per glass, no ice in the basement, no getting ice without permission, always sit when eating ice, one piece of ice in your mouth at a time, don't bite the ice, etc.).

If any of you have been there, I'd be interested in a comprehensive list of ice rules. Have we left anything off?

Scary Movies

2008-01-03T23:19:00.000-05:00

Many parents we know are indifferent about what they let their kids watch. Not us. It's not uncommon for Bethany (almost a teen) to call from a friend's house to ask me to check the internet about the appropriateness of a movie everyone wants to watch. More than once, that simple call was enough for her friends to change their selection without much (if any) overt pressure.

I'll admit we're pretty conservative in what we allow into our kid's passive gray matter. But we've further edited our intake since the arrival of Neti and Meke.

For reasons we're not too sure about, neither one of them has shown much stomach for anything scary. Our scary movie pile now includes the likes of Ice Age, Toy Story, and Bambi. Finding Nemo is now classified as a horror flick (it has sharks, a bloody nose, AND the pelicans try to eat the main character!).

A trip to Daddy's lap is common if the climax of a DVD is more intense than "Oh no, Alpo has lost the letter M".

About a month ago a Rated G new release from the video store sent Neti screaming out of the room with her eyes covered. She sobbed for 10 minutes with her head buried in her pillow before regaining control.

It's hard to tell exactly what's going on. Is it simply that American kids more desensitized at a young age than Ethiopian kids? Or does the cartoon conflict on the screen somehow trigger bad memories? We haven't detected a pattern. In the meantime we still filter their input.

Top 10 Christmas List (in picture and video)

2007-12-30T16:14:00.000-05:00

Made the trip to beautiful Iowa again this year (special thanks to Bethany for the photo below).

Here are 10 things I observed this Christmas:

10. They still make a game for the entire family. (thanks, Miss Park!)

9. A four-wheel drive truck is great for bad weather but a bit cramped for a 1200 mile round trip.

8. It's more fun if you fall off at the bottom.

7. They grow up way too fast!

6. Grandma gets the most attention of anyone.
5. Some kids are just easy to buy for.

4. The odds of having nine grandchildren and none of them being boys is less than 1 in 500.

3. Angels are cuter when you're related to them.
2. Clothes become acceptable gifts at around age 10 (at least for girls)
1. The only thing better than a simple squeal of delight from someone you love... ...is four of them!

Your Christmas Card

2007-12-19T19:56:00.000-05:00

Click HERE!

Neti's Christmas Moral Dilemma

2007-12-14T20:22:00.000-05:00

UGH!

I just got back from taking all four girls to WalMart to buy a modest gift for Mommy while she's at work. Easy for Bethany and Kailey. Easy for Meke. Especially hard for Neti.

Neti and Meke took the entire contents of their piggie bank $6.78 and $2.67 respectively. You'd think Neti had won one of those "fill-your-cart-with-as-much-stuff-as-you-can-in-a-minute" contests. She wanted to buy EVERYTHING. Not ANYTHING. EVERYTHING! It started from the moment we stepped in the store.

"OOOOOH! I want it, Daddy."

"No, Neti, Mommy doesn't want glitter lipgloss."

"Daddy, over here."

"No, Neti, we already have toothpaste. That's not a good gift."

"I like it down here, Daddy."

"Neti, those are screws. Mommy doesn't need screws."

Everything was fair game.

"Daddy, can I get this?...Daddy, come look...Daddy..."

UGH

Finally, I realized that she wasn't asking permission to buy these things for Mommy. She was shopping for herself. I picked her up and put her in the cart.

"Neti, we're not here to buy things for Neti. We came to buy something nice for Mommy for Christmas."

"Oooooh. I want the phone, Daddy. Can I have the phone? I like the phone."

"NETI. LISTEN. We're not here to buy for Neti. We're here to buy for Mommy! Mommy doesn't want a Barbie phone. What would Mommy like? That's what we're here to buy."

"I want a coloring book. We don't have that one, Daddy. Can I get it?"

UGH!

We finally settled on a gift - Neti reluctantly so. I informed our crew that since Neti and Meke didn't have quite enough money that Daddy would pitch in. "We can make this gift from Neti and Meke and Daddy."

Neti was visibly opposed. She folded her arms, shrinking down in the cart with her bottom lip protruding, "That doesn't make sense. That's three and one."

"Yes, Neti. Sometimes three people can give one gift to one person."

"But that doesn't make sense."

UGH, AGAIN!

"So what do you want to buy Mommy, Neti?"

"A dress."

"But you don't have enough money for a dress. And Mommy doesn't wear dresses very much."

"I'll show you, Daddy. Go over there."

She proceded to direct me to the lingerie section where she picked out her favorite red "dress" to give to Mommy.

UGH!

We didn't get it (Rhonda will be happy to read this part).

Neti shrunk down in the cart and resumed her sour look. She started talking under her breath to herself. "I want to buy the phone."

UGH!!!! I wanted to give my best you-have-more-toys-in-your-toybox-than-the-entire-Ethiopian-orphanage lecture. Or maybe the you-have-two-week's-Ethiopian-wages-in-that-plastic-baggie lecture would do the trick. Instead, I took a different approach. Maybe this isn't a lesson she can learn here at WalMart with all the temptations. Maybe we'd have to put this lesson off until Christmas day.

"Neti, you can choose. You can buy the phone for Neti. But you won't be able to buy the gift for Mommy. The gift will only be from Meke and Daddy, not Neti."

"And you can write Neti on it too."

"No, Neti. We can't write 'from Neti' if only Daddy and Meke buy it. That's lying because Neti didn't really buy it."

Silence.

"What do you want to do, Neti."

More silence. Wheels turning.

I allowed her to process it for a good minute or two.

"Neti, what do you want to do?"

"I want the phone."

I repeated the consequences. "So you want the gift to only say 'from Meke and Daddy'?"

(staring into space, in a very quiet whine) "I want the phone."

Satisfied that this was a Christmas day lesson we made our way to the phone. Just an aisle away, a second thought:

"I want to buy for Mommy."

UGH!

We turned around again and purchased Mommy's gift. Neti's name will be on the package.

Did she learn?

SNOW!

2007-12-01T21:22:00.001-05:00

This is the video you've all been waiting for.

Merry Christmas.

(don't expect a card)

Christmas is New

2007-11-29T20:15:00.000-05:00

We're seeing Christmas through new young eyes this year. Trees with lights are new. Giving gifts wrapped up in colorful paper is new. Snow (which we are waiting for with much anticipation...and almost experienced a few days ago) will be new. It's fun to watch.

And surprisingly, even baby Jesus is new. Ethiopia is a Christian nation yet our girls have never heard the nativity story. We've overheard some fun conversations as they try to piece it all together.

"Look, Neti. Baby Jesus is naked."

"No he's not. He's wearing pajamas."

Looks like we're going to experience yet another "new": the swaddling clothes talk.

Readopted

2007-11-21T10:53:00.000-05:00

On Monday we went to court to readopt our kids. I'm still not real sure what this accomplishes because legally our kids are our kids even without this step in the process. I think it has something to do with becoming citizens of the U.S. (at least that's what I've been telling people). We just do what we're told.

We went into this day thinking it was just an insignificant formality but it became a meaningful experience. One of the court officials found our blog several weeks ago and read it from beginning to end. Before getting down to the "official" business of the court, she began sharing our story with everyone there. Our photographer (one of Rhonda's friends) became an instant blubbering crybaby. We ended up giving out our blog address to several of the court officials before leaving.

I left thinking "It's official. These are our kids".

Of course, in our hearts that had already happened nearly a year ago.

Middle Sisters (part 2)

2007-11-12T21:40:00.000-05:00

Tonight there was another battle for the same territory mentioned in yesterday's post. Kailey was upstairs reading a bedtime story to her two younger sisters - something I asked her to do so I could spend a little bit of time with Bethany. But instead of reading I heard the battle lines being drawn again.

"Noooo! You said nyah nyah nyah nyah NYAH!"

"No I din't, Kailey! Nyah nyah nyah NYAH nyah nyah!"

Bethany and I stopped talking so we could hear what was going on. The nyah nyahs increased in emotion and volume to the point where we could tell there was a property dispute being tried in the self-appointed court of middle sisterdom.

As they bounce back and forth several more times, I caught myself thinking, "Wow, her English is getting really good."

Then I thought, "Wow, they're really sisters!"

Finally, I realized that intervention was needed. I walked upstairs and calmly ordered both girls to bed immediately. Kailey complied without question realizing that it was only five minutes before bedtime anyway. Neti hasn't figured out the time thing yet. She began sobbing uncontrollably.

The dispute was over silly little ball. Mommy had allegedly asked Kailey to put it away twice. She didn't. Neti, feeling like two warnings was enough, decided that Kailey had forfeited ownership of said ball. Now being public property, Neti snatched the ball up in her purse and took it to her room, claiming it as her own, thus firing the first shot of the battle.

I spent ten minutes with each girl lying in bed and talking through what happened. Neti and I talked about ownership rights and eminent domain. Kailey talked responsibility, understanding, and respect.

I ended my conversation with Neti by saying, "It's a little bit hard to be a little sister, isn't it?" Whatever control she had found was lost again in the new reality spoken by her Daddy. Her little body began involuntary trembling as her lungs gasp for air in a series of short bursts. She buried her head in her pillow and let out a long howl.

It's gotta be tough.

We spent the last 5 minutes listing the good things AND the hard things about being a little sister. (She filed getting cool hand-me-down clothes in the positive column.)

She regained control and maybe a touch of identity.

We went to bed.

Things are good.

For tonight.

How Could You Forget THAT?!?!

2007-11-11T23:09:00.000-05:00

Zipping down fuzzy full-body pajamas in the morning.
Doing somersaults before bed with slip-type pajamas.
Changing clothes at midday.
Going to the bathroom

What do all these things have in common? They're times where you might discover that your two youngest daughters aren't wearing any underwear.

"Oops. I forgot." (infectious giggle)

I don't get it. Rhonda lays out their clothes for them on their bed, COMPLETE WITH UNDERWEAR. Whats going through their mind when get completely dressed and there's still underwear on the bed? Are they thinking "I wonder what that's for?" Or mabe "It's too late now, I'm already dressed".

We're learning to check these things before we take them out in public.

Life in the Middle

2007-11-11T22:24:00.000-05:00

The authority structure according to Neti:

"Neti and Meke are no boss"
"Kailey, a little bit boss."
"Bethany, a little bit bigger boss."
"Mommy and Daddy big boss."
"And God is BIG BIG boss." (said with eyebrows raised and arms outstretched)

She's been able to verbalize it for a few months now. However, living under such structure is something she's now beginning to struggle through.

There was a time when Neti occupied the office of "a little bit boss". In fact, there seems to be a time in her not too distant past where she was "big boss". The circumstances that led them to the orphanage thrust Neti into the role of Mom - protecting, making decisions for, and watching out for little sis. (Thus the commonly heard phrase directed toward the 6-year-old at the Waal house: "You just worry about Neti.")

Bethany and Meke are still oldest and youngest sisters, respectively. They've faced the adjustment of adding two new sisters. But Neti and Kailey have faced the most radical change in birth order. They're fighting for territory unfamiliar to them, trying to figure out their new identity in the family.

When there's a conflict among siblings in our family, it's usually a power struggle in the middle of the hierarchy - Kailey and Neti. Sometimes it can be very heated. And whoever is determined the "winner" (which often involves parental intervention) is left scratching her head as to the territory she's reclaimed. It's confusing territory neither has occupied before. Middle sister.

Every House Should Have This!!!

2007-11-06T00:41:00.000-05:00

Our kids and our friends' kids wrasslin'.

7 kids - 3 adopted - 2 more coming from Ethiopia soon

Ethiopian Rock, Paper, Scissors

2007-11-05T17:07:00.000-05:00

Surely one of our readers knows the answer to this one.

I ordered a DVD called Ethiopian Kids Playground (which, by the way, helped Neti to break through the nothing-to-do-with-Amharic phase). On the video there's a sort of Rock, Paper, Scissors-type game where a group of kids circle up and put their hands in the center as they chant "someboday" (sum-bud-DAY). Neti immediately jumped in and wanted to show us how to play. However, she has no idea what "someboday" means. Is it an Ethiopian word or just an English "somebody" with an Ethiopian accent?

Catching Up

2007-11-02T14:34:00.003-04:00

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. Things have really been crazy with yet more new stuff for our family. Maybe I'll fill you in on that later.

Quickly, to catch everyone up. This week Neti and Meke got new (to them) winter coats and their first exposure to American Autumn traditions. Meke couldn't bring herself to look the big gorilla with the Daddy voice in the eye for at least 3-4 blocks.

Speaking Amharic (Attempt 1)

2007-11-02T14:02:00.000-04:00

Some good friends (we think) of ours anonymously ordered us beanbags with Amharic numbers and colors to help with the girls' retention of their language. (By the way, there's a great kid's Amharic book on this site too.)

Kailey and I cracked the beanbags out and lined them up. We began counting from 1-10 in Amharic thinking it would spark Neti and Meke's interest. We expected that they'd come over and help us count. They heard us very plainly but remained content to continue playing, almost determined not to hear (or to pretend they didn't hear).

I took a more direct approach. "Neti. Ahnd...Hoolet...Sost." ("one, two, three" in Amharic)

She looked up. Unmoved she went back to playing without interest. I sensed it was more than a lack of interest. Her body language spoke loudly. She was determined not to engage in this conversation at all.

I pressed a little more to see what would happen.

"Neti. Ahhhhnnnnd...Hoooooooletttt..." ("Onnnnnnnnne, Twwwwwwwooooooo...")

(Long pause)

Nothing. They didn't finish the equation. They kept playing.

We've tried without success to engage them in their native language. We've repeatedly asked Neti "What's this in Ethiopia?" (pointing to something). The most common response is a shrug. A while back we put Neti on the phone with an Amharic speaking friend of a friend. Normally, she'll chatter away with anyone on the phone. The minute she heardAmharic on the other side she withdrew and wouldn't respond.

Not sure exactly what's going on. Maybe it's confusing for her to mix both languages. Maybe she associates bad experiences with the "old" language. Maybe she feels no need to use Amharic because everyone here speaks English. The ESL teacher at her school tells us it's normal for kids to reject their language for a period only to reengage later.

Meke's become a little more open to Amharic - as long as Neti's not around.

Our Little Meteorologist

2007-10-26T23:14:00.000-04:00

On the way to the football game...

Daddy: "We're going to stop at Wendy's"

Neti: "No windys, Daddy. Go to cloudys."

Neti, Food, and OOPS!

2007-10-24T19:41:00.000-04:00

Lately we've noticed that Neti has a little bit more belly on her than when she arrived home 3 months ago (she'll love reading this when she's 16). Rhonda has noticed that Neti's always hungry whenever we arrive home from anywhere. Doesn't seem to matter what time of day or how long ago we've eaten, she wants food. Even if we've had an evening snack a few minutes earlier, Neti will often ask for food as we're going through the bedtime routine.

Yesterday, Rhonda sat Neti down and asked her about it. Neti replied something to the effect of, "If not eat food now, no food later." After some clarifcation, here's what seems to be going on. In Ethiopia, Neti was programmed to eat all of anything and everything placed in front of her, yummy or yucky, because the next meal wasn't always guaranteed. Consequently, she now eats when she's not hungry and often gorges when she's full.

Rhonda explained that "you'll never have to worry about food here. We always have food."

Until...

Somehow the crackers for Kindergarten snack time didn't find their way into Neti's backpack today. She came home crying. Oops.

Three Months

2007-10-16T18:34:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was three months since the first day Neti and Meke came home. I cracked out the camera and made a little video.

The Genesis of Our Adoption

2007-10-14T22:16:00.000-04:00

One person who responded to our "Let's Make This Fair!" post asked how we decided to adopt. Were we united from the beginning or did one of us press the other? I've never told the genesis story of our adoption.

Long story short, after several months of very challenging and trying circumstances (I may tell that at another time) God dumped an extra dose of compassion for widows and orphans into my heart. I began going online and reading stories of orphans and my heart broke.

At the same time in my life I had this nagging realization that the American Dream I'd accomplished wasn't very significant or lasting. I felt like adoption was something I needed to do.

Rhonda had no idea.

I confided in a close friend who began praying with me that if this was supposed to happen that Rhonda would come to the same conclusion independent of my influence. I decided not to bring it up unless she initiated it in some way.

A few weeks later I had the teens (I was a youth pastor at the time) over to our house for a "Save Darfur" meeting. We talked about what we could do to help raise awareness about the genocide going on in Sudan. To get a feel for the kinds of things happening in Darfur we watched Hotel Rwanda together. At the end of the movie I said something like, "This kind of genocide is happening in Darfur. What can we do about it?"

Rhonda aswered with a question.

"What would it take for our group to adopt a family and bring them to live with us?"

I knew that was my cue. When the teens all left I took her over to the computer and said, "I've been looking at orphan children online. I feel like God want's us to adopt."

After a brief period of stunned silence, she answered, "I've had this feeling like there's something more I should be doing with my life. This is it!"

I started telling her about the kids in Ethiopia.

Within a few minutes Bethany (then age 11), who should have been sleeping, popped her nose into the room.

"I can't sleep, Mom. What are you doing?"

Rhonda and I looked at each other. She nodded. I asked, "What would you think about bringing some kids from Africa to live with us?"

She just stood there and smiled.

The next morning we told Kailey (age 9). Her biggest concern was how long the adoption would take. Both girls immediately started talking about who would sleep where. Both offered to sacrifice their rooms for their new brothers or sisters.

Although it wasn't yet official, we prayed and talked about it as a family for just under two weeks. In our hearts, though, I think we all four knew it was a done deal. We applied with America World Adoption Agency.

Somewhere along the line we decided to change our request from age-4-and-under siblings to age-6-and-under siblings.

All these decisions, hasty as they may seem, brought the perfect completion of our family. Any hesitation and the outcome would have been different. From the initial decision to the day we brought Neti and Meke home was only 9 months - an almost unheard-of lightning speed adoption.

Potty (part 2)

2007-10-13T11:37:00.000-04:00

Today at the soccer match we got to choose. After last night's adventure it was two votes for the gray potty. Bigger is better.

Evidently, we're not the only ones of that opinion. With Daddy holding Meke in the proper position (I'm becoming a much more consistent aim) we were briefly visited midstream by a little furry rodent who scurried across my feet.Call it a shuffle. Call it a dance. Call it being surprised out of my wits, I held my ground! My feet moved - several times in short succession. Meke's bottom didn't. Everything ended up where it was supposed to!

Meke just squealed and laughed. "Again, Daddy!"

What Happened to Fall?

2007-10-13T11:22:00.000-04:00

Sunday, October 6, 2007
91 degrees. Sunny skies.

Saturday, October 13

41 degrees. Overcast. Slight breeze.

A Night of Significance

2007-10-12T23:19:00.001-04:00

Tonight was significant.

After a 12-week selah, Rhonda went back to work tonight. She's working a 12 -hour shift on October 12. As I'm writing it's approaching 12-midnight. What's the common thread?

It's not the number 12. (Had pizza boy cut tonight's 10-piece carry-out pizza one more you may have had an argument). Tonight's significant because Daddy's all alone with four girls for the entire night.

So we all loaded up the van and went to a high school football game with one of my buddies.

Before you pass judgment, read on.

The temps are beginning to plunge into the 40s in the evenings. Meke donned a pair of pink knit Scooby Doo gloves. It was obvious by her reaction that they were the first gloves she's ever worn.

It's fun taking our family into new settings to simply see their reaction. Football isn't played in Ethiopia. At least not the kind with pads.

We happend to choose a night when the local D.A.R.E. group was giving out free food and drinks in the parking lot. Despite a stomach full of pizza, Neti and Meke don't ever pass on something to eat. A bottled water in one hand and a bag of Lays in the other, we approached the small community stadium just as the opposing team was taking the field. The costumes they were wearing triggered a flurry of 4-year-old questions.

"What eeze theese, Daddy?" (What is this?)

"This...is football."

For Neti, it was the beginning of the oooohs and giggles.

First item of business...potty. Unfortunately, the only option was our choice of a lineup of four little blue buildings (something Neti once mistook for vending machines). Not wanting Meke's bottom to touch anything with germs we began a bathroom ritual completely foreign to both of us. I noticed immediately that these weren't built for two. There was no way we could both stand from in the launching area.

"OK, Meke. Stand on the potty."

I saw her confusion immediately. I lifted her up thinking she'd straddle the seat with one foot on each side so I could take her pants down and get her ready to go. When I went to set her down she said, "No Daddy". In retrospect, the big dark smelly hole Daddy was trying to drop her in was probably pretty scary. She kept lifting her knees to her chin as I tried to lower her to a standing position.

I quickly realized we weren't on the same page so offered my best explanation. "You have to stand on the potty so I can take your pants down. Then I'm going to hold you over top of the potty without your bottom touching the seat. You can potty without sitting down on the potty. You'll be above the potty while Daddy holds you."

It's at this point that I'm reminded of a Gary Larson cartoon of a man talking to his dog. I realize that Meke may not have picked that all up, so I just took charge and started the blue- building-potty-procedure on my own, hoping she'd trust me enough to go along with it.

She did.

I grabbed her by each leg. She assumed the sitting position. I positioned her over the big dark smelly hole and gave her the go ahead, praying that everything was aimed correctly (I've gotten it wrong in the past). The hollow splashing sound was a relief.

UNTIL...

"Pyew, Daddy!"

"Yes. Stinky. Hurry!"

We finished just in time for me to let out my breath, release Meke to her sisters, and step back in to add my contribution to the dark smelly hole.

I think the bonding is going well.

Back to football.

Neti and Meke sat mezmerized as old girls in short dresses shook blue and yellow clown wigs in their hands and shouted playground chants to the audience. When the smallest of these girls were lifted above the heads and thrown into the waiting arms of those below, Meke shouted "Again!" When the home team took the field, she laughed. "Daddy, yellow panties!" The loudspeaker mounted on the side of the press box held her interest for most of the second quarter. "Daddy, look!" (pointing and smiling with eyebrows raised)

While our two older girls were impatiently counting down the minutes before we could leave, Neti was trying to order popcorn but didn't know exactly how (or who) to ask. By halftime Neti was clapping in rhythm with the clown wig girls and doing her best to join in the chant. "Deefenz Holdumm"

But halftime it was bedtime, the end of the fun. We started the trek back to the familiar, passing by the D.A.R.E. booth again, to be handed free anti-drug toys for all the kids.

The voice of a 4-year-old summed it up:

"I like football."

Not a bad choice for such a significant night, Dad.

Who You Are

2007-10-11T19:29:00.000-04:00

I've just spent the last hour sifting through the information you regular blog readers sent me at my request (see previous post). Over 40 of you responded. Thank you. I've printed them off. We're going to keep them in a safe place until Neti and Meke are old enough to read them.

This has been fun and humbling. Let's do FUN first.

There are three families in Michigan who live within 10 miles of each other who are currently in process of adopting from Ethiopia. So Michiganders, if this describes you and you'd like to meet each other, email me. If you're one of the families I'll connect whoever gives me permission to do so.
Someone found our blog by Googling "Mekdelawit" (Meke's full name)
"We found you in the AWAA Yahoo Group. The Waals are kinda rock stars in that circle." HA! First time Waal and Rock Star have never been used in the same sentence!
One reader's child (now living in Europe) was in the same orphanage and knows Neti and Meke!

The vast majority of you have a connection with Ethiopian adoption. Almost half of you are in the process of adopting while one-fourth of you have already adopted from Ethiopia.

Now, the HUMBLING part. I received a lengthy email from an adult who was adopted. This person shared how reading Neti and Meke's story has been "the catalyst that has allowed God to bring healing of memories stubbornly buried for almost a lifetime."

Then there's this. Seven readers indicated that they read about Neti and Meke as part of the process of deciding whether to adopt from Ethiopia. Here's a sample:

"I...was doing some internet surfing about Ethiopian adoption and Wham! there you were. I...have biological children [and have] been looking into adoption - why? I don't know for sure, but for some reason my heart is being tugged like crazy to the beautiful children of Ethiopia! After many prayers and a lot of time on the computer, I am still searching and praying about it."

How humbling to realize our simple words and experiences could have such power. We never thought of it that way. We were just keeping family informed.

Long ago Rhonda and I vowed to do whatever we can to promote adoption - especially from Ethiopia. Looks like I'll be blogging for awhile longer as a way of honoring that vow.

Let's Make This Fair!

2007-10-09T23:18:00.001-04:00

I started blogging simply to keep close friends and family in the loop about our adoption. Somewhere along the way we were discovered by you and people like you from all around the world!

This past Saturday we were one of the featured families at an adoption informational seminar sponsored by our agency. When I gave out our blog address one of the couples interested in adopting from Ethiopia didn't write it down. Come to find out, they're already readers of our blog. Then the agency rep who was leading the seminar told us that she's aware of others.

BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Some of you have left very nice comments but when we go to your profile there's nothing there but a screen name.

I hardly think it's fair that you know us and we don't know you!

So here's the deal. We've successfully jumped through every hoop known to man in order to adopt Neti and Meke (those who have adopted internationally know what I'm talking about). We're safe people. We've been fingerprinted, FBIed, background checked, and health-screened. We're convinced we're not child molesters or internet stalkers.

So if you'd be so kind, I'd like to know just five things:

Who are you?
Where are you from?
How did you find this blog?
Why do you read this blog?
What's your Master Card number and Social Security number?

If you're not comfortable answering the first two questions, I'd be interested in #3 or #4.

Don't leave a comment! (Unless you're OK with the entire world seeing your info). Just send an email with your answers to this address.

By the way, if you answer question #5 you probably should get your mother's permission before going online.

Just Before Bed...

2007-10-08T21:31:00.000-04:00

Each night Rhonda and I take turns putting Neti and Meke to bed. We alternate days of laying down between them just to talk for a few minutes in the dark. Despite the darkness, I was distinctly aware of the constant smile I just could not wipe off my face.

To the best of my memory I'll reconstruct our conversation. If nothing else you'll get the feel for the girl's conquest of the English language (next week will be three months since we brought them home).

Neti: Oops. I forgot a drink of water.

Daddy: OK. Hurry up and get a drink and come back to bed. (Neti leaves) How was school today Meke?

Meke: Meke says no eent [eat]

Daddy: No snack at school today?

Meke: (getting excited) Meke says...Meke...Meke...Me... Meke says house... House... Eat house.

Daddy: (confused pause) Oh. But no snack?

Meke: Yes.

Daddy: Yes snack?

Meke: No snack.

Daddy: What did you do, then?

Meke: House.

Daddy: House?

Meke: Eat house.

Daddy: OH! Eat house. (no clue)

Meke: Yes, eat house.

Neti: (returning to bed) I forgot potty.

Daddy: Did you go potty too?

Neti: I went potty.

Daddy: And get a drink?

Neti: I got a drink.

Meke: (excited, now half sitting up) Mommy....Mommy says....Mommy...Momm...Mommy says fiiiirst (pause for effect) go potty...

Neti: (trying to interrupt) Shhh, Meke, be quiet.

Meke: (doesn't notice) ...Two...two...two...first go potty....two, brush teeth...

Neti: (ignored) Quiet Meke, sleep!

Meke: (not stopping)...Brush teeth. Mommy says...Mommy says three, drink...

Neti: Close eyes, Meke. Sleep. SHHHHH!

Meke: Ma...Ma...Mommy says...Drink, mommy says drink. And bed.

Daddy: Drink before bed?

Meke: Drink before bed...and potty.

Neti: SHHHH! (long pause...everyone settles into their sleeping positions) Mommy's mommy and Daddy's mommy.

Daddy: You mean Mommy's mommy and Mommy's daddy?

Neti: Yeah, Mommy's mommy and Mommy's daddy. We see them.

Daddy: Yeah, they're coming here next week.

Meke: They're coming here next week.

Neti: I know Grandma Waal and Grandpa Waal.

Meke: I know Grandma Waal and Grandpa Waal.

Daddy: But this is a different Grandma and Grandpa. You haven't met them yet.

Neti: We drive there.

Meke: We drive there.

Daddy: No, they're coming here.

Meke: No, they're coming here, Neti. No, they're coming here.

Neti: Where are they sleep?

Daddy: I don't know. Maybe they'll sleep in Kailey's bed.

Neti: No, Kailey's bed too little. Too little. This bed biiiig. This BIIIIGGER bed for Kailey's. Mommy's mommy and Mommy's daddy sleep here, in this bed.

Meke: Sleep here, in this bed (pause) Meke says.

Daddy: OK, but where does Neti and Meke sleep?

Neti: Neti sleeps with Bethany, Meke sleeps with Kailey.

Meke: Mommy's mommy and daddy sleep here. Neeeetttti, sleep woof Bettany. Meeeekkeee, sleep woof Kailey.

Daddy: OK. Goodnight Neti, I love you!

Neti: I love you Daddy.

Daddy: Goodnight Meke, I love you!

Meke: Meke loves Daddy.

Daddy: And Daddy loves Meke.

Meke: Meke loves Daddy and Daddy loves Meke.

Daddy: Goodnight

(5 minutes of pretend sleep, both girls with arms around Daddy's neck)

Neti: (whispering) Daddy, it's Tuesday or Thursday?

Daddy: You mean today? Today is Monday.

Neti: (counting on her fingers in a whisper) MonDAY, TuesDAY, WednesDAY, ThursDAY, FriDAY...

Meke: SHHHH! Neti. Close eyes.

Neti: Meke! I'm trying...[to count] (whispering again) MonDAY, TuesDAY, WednesDAY, ThursDAY...

Meke: Meke says SHHHHH!

Neti: ...FriDAY, SaturDAY, SunDAY, MonDAY. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Eight, Daddy.

Daddy: Eight days.

Meke: Eight days.

Neti: Eight days Mommy's mommy and Mommy's daddy come.

Daddy: Yeah. Goodnight girls.

Pre-Adoption Video

2007-10-06T08:11:00.000-04:00

Just before we met our girls a group called Visiting Orphans visited our girls in the orphanage. They produced a video to be shown to high school students. Neti and Meke happen to be the last images on this video. This is the only video we have of them pre-adoption. Even though this was only taken a few months ago, Neti and Meke look different to us for some reason.

If the link above doesn't work, try typing http://www.jasoncrossman.com/ethiopia.mov into your browser. GIVE IT SOME TIME! You'll likely only see a white screen for quite awhile before it downloads.

Concert Photo

2007-10-03T12:17:00.000-04:00

Here's a link to Steven Curtis Chapman's site that happens to have a picture of our girls collecting money for orphans at the Toledo concert.

Which Nouns are Verbs?

2007-09-29T18:43:00.000-04:00

We've been taught a lesson by our youngest daughter on the art of using nouns (or prepositions) interchangably with verbs. A few samples:

Cupping (v.) - To fill a cup with water; to place a cup into a cupholder or on a coaster; to carry a cup.
Hairing (v.) - To sweep up hair from the floor, especially with a wisk broom and dustpan.
Carring (v.) - To ride in and/or drive a car.
Booking (v.) - To look at pictures in a book; to put a book on the shelf.
Bibbing (v.) - To tie a bib around one's own or another's neck.
Downing (v.) - To sit. (i.e. "sit downing")
Upping (v.) - To stand; to lift; to ascend a staircase.
Forking (v.) - To place forks on a table; to put silverware of any kind into a dishwasher; to stab and/or cut a piece of food with a fork.

Enter her world and it's easy to see how this happens. She spends her day swinging on a swing and sliding on a slide. If you dump water on flowers it's called watering. Yet dumping the same water on your hands isn't called watering, handing, or even soaping. It's called washing.

Why is it that some nouns can be verbs and others can't? What's the criteria?

Meke has none. Any noun can be a verb.

I'm becoming fond of her method. It's not only amusing but also an efficient way of saving wear and tear on the vocal cords. Imagine how many words could be saved. Instead of saying "I'm putting the cup into the cupholder," a simple, "I'm cupping," would suffice. A "I'm going out to the garden to pick tomatoes", could be replaced with "I'm tomatoing."

All this discussion begs the question: When using one of these words are you "nouning" or "verbing"?

Daddy Eating Bread

2007-09-25T19:53:00.000-04:00

Or Edward Scissorhands By Meke

"I Support Orphans"

2007-09-23T21:19:00.001-04:00

Our family was asked to volunteer at a Steven Curtis Chapman concert tonight. Normally, we're not concert goers. Three or four live songs is generally enough for me. But this volunteering was for a good cause.

For those of you who don't know, SCC is a huge adoption advocate. He has adopted three children from China himself and has started a foundation that gives need-based grants to adoptive parents. On his tour, Chapman is collecting "Change for Orphans". The money they collected at the Toledo concert tonight will be given to a family in the area to help with adoption expenses.

In addition to our booth-manning, Neti and Meke held a "Change for Orphans" bucket at the door while concertgoers arrived. Neti handed them a brochure while Meke would smile and say, "Donations please," in her thick Ethiopian preschooler accent. It was fun to watch people walk past several adults who were holding buckets only to be instantly taken in by two little girls. We just sat back and watched. At one point a man in an obvious hurry ran past the girls. 30 feet after passing them you could visibly see the impact. The man stopped dead in his tracks, smiled, reached for his wallet, looked at us and said "That's not fair."

The lowlight of the night:

During intermission I was holding a five-gallon "Change for Orphans" bucket in one arm and Meke in the other. By that time of the night she was getting restless and hungry. She wanted down. She wanted food. Right now!

Not a good time for either in a crowded lobby...so I gave her an answer she's heard many times: "In a little bit." Intermission was only 15 minutes long, after all!

If you've ever held a preschooler that doesn't want to be held, you've probably experienced something similar to what I'm about to explain. While they generally don't become violent, kids this age have the uncanny ability to become instantly slippery. It's akin to putting a big healthy worm on a fish hook.

So the battle to hold Meke began. (Remember, this is all happening with a five gallon bucket in one arm and in an extremely crowded lobby where people are stopping and wanting to talk.)
I felt her bottom wriggle out of my elbow pit so I compensated. She wriggled the other way. I compensated again, this time clamping down hard. Bottom captured. Escape averted. Battle over. Daddy wins.

How do you say "OK Daddy, it's on!" in Amharic?

Undeterred, she began trying to find ways to make things uncomfortable. Two little hands began pushing on my face, not hard enough to be naughty, but forceful enough to be annoying. Again, I mounted the counterattack. I was able to capture one of her hands with the "bucket" hand and quickly hand it off to the "bottom clamp" hand.

An inexperienced parent of a preschooler will quickly conclude that the hand to the face is the front line of battle. NOT SO. This is a diversionary tactic. Having not been there in several years, I had forgotten. Bucket in one arm, Meke's bottom clamped to my hip and hand captured with the other, I thought I was in control.

Then the climbing began. She stopped wiggling down and began to wiggle up. Her free hand grabbed for the top of my head. She began pulling herself up. Her feet began climbing my body, looking for a foothold.

Now moms generally have an advantage here. If a preschooler is clamped to your hip and they begin climbing moms generally don't care where the foot lands. For dads, it's different. Even while in conversation with a donor I realized there are areas that need protecting so almost subconsciously I shifted Meke toward the back of my body so as to avoid any unfortunate connections from taking place.

My fatal mistake? Among other things I fell victim to the diversionary hand to the head/face. Somehow (and I still don't know how this happened - it seems so elementary as I write it now) I forgot to maintain the clamp of Meke's bottom to my side. The climbing continued. This didn't register in my brain that this would be a bad thing ("Oh good, she's climbing UP now instead of wanting DOWN!")

That's when it happened. She found a good foothold (fortunately, not a painful one for me) and pushed up with all her might.

Now picture this. I'm at a concert because I'm an advocate for orphans. I'm wearing a shirt that says "Show Hope: Change your world for orphans" and a pin that says "I support orphans". I'm holding my adorable little daughter - a former orphan herself - and I drop her on her head on a table.

That's what happened. At least that's what probably appeared to happen to those who didn't see "the war" that led up to the drop.

Once Meke climbed her bottom about 12 inches above my arm she pushed off my face with her free hand and leaned into what I can only explain as a backward swan dive. I clamped on, catching her by the back of her knees just as her head hit the table with the brochures. (Actually it was more of a tap of her head on the table since the hand I had captured earlier allowed me to keep her from feeling the full impact.)

I tried pulling her back into my arms but she would have nothing of it. Her eyes told the story to me and everyone who happened to be watching (and there were plenty!): "You DROPPED me!" In typical preschooler fashion she ignored me for 15 minutes before wanting to play.

All is well now. Meke's forgiven me and we raised $4200 for a family to adopt an orphan.

There's a story behind every picture. Here's our family with Bethany Dillon (who opened for SCC). As you can probably guess by the expression on her face, this picture was taken shortly after "the war" with Meke described above.

Amharic Wanted

2007-09-19T22:02:00.001-04:00

For several months we've been in search of someone in the Toledo area who speaks Amharic. We're beyond the need of a translator. The girls are picking up English just fine. We want to connect with an Amharic speaker simply so Neti and Meke won't forget their original tongue. And we would like to learn a little too!

Does anyone have suggestions? We've tried the University of Toledo hoping for Ethiopian students with no luck.

To Stray a Bit...

2007-09-19T21:12:00.001-04:00

At the risk of straying from what this blog is about (Neti and Meke) I feel there's an explanation needed.

Evidently, my last post offended at least one person who felt my comments were ethnocentric (i.e. thinking my race is superior to others). After re-reading my post by itself, I can see how a person could come to such a conclusion. However, if you've been a reader for long, hopefully you've seen my heart (i.e. this post).

Bottom line...the last post was not intended to thumb my nose at anyone and say "we're better than you." It was simply to creatively tell of the brand new things our girls experienced in a 24 hour period. In hindsight, I should have provided more information (which, by the way, I do in the comments of my last post).

5 Differences from Africa

2007-09-16T18:42:00.000-04:00

In the last 24 hours we've taken note of several things that have to be completely new to our girls compared to what they experienced in Africa. Here are five.

Difference #1

In America we pose with food

Difference #2
The American solution to being lost

Difference #3

In America we pay to feed other people's animals

Difference #4
In Africa corn is food!

Difference #5
51 degrees is insanely cold in Africa!

Our Soccer Star!

2007-09-16T18:14:00.000-04:00

Well, it turns out that something clicked for Neti on her third game of the season. She seems to have come to a better understanding of the game. She scored her first - and second - goal in one game. Here's the visual progression of the first goal.

She Scores!

Running the Length of the Field

Finding Her Coach!

Celebrating With Teammates

Running to Mommy and Daddy

Her first words to us at the end of the game? "I got two goalies!"

Pee Wee Soccer

2007-09-13T20:44:00.000-04:00

My hat goes off to anyone who has ever coached a game of pee wee soccer.

I have friends who have hired professional photographers to come to these games to capture Junior just as he drills the ball into the corner of the net slightly out of the reach of the outstretched arms of the goalie. But if you've ever attended a pee wee soccer game you know that these photos have been doctored. What you're actually seeing is a picture of Junior in the parking lot after the game kicking a pop can superimposed over some stock photo downloaded from the internet.

There's no way that goal was ever scored like the picture indicated. How do I know? First, the ball is almost never kicked more than 10 feet at a time. Second, anyone who follows pee wee soccer at all knows that every member of both teams is always within 10 feet of the ball. And finally, the most common phrase heard from the sidelines is, "No, kick it the other way!!!!"

Tonight was Neti's first game. I will say this. By 5 and 6 year old standards she's above average. She can kick the ball fifteen feet. And only 10% of the time does she kick it the wrong way.

So I'll start with pictures that make our little Neti look like the star of the field. But as you proceed down through the images you'll soon realize what pee wee soccer is all about (and yes, with the exception of the last image, these were all taken during "live" action).

The behavior you're about to witness is commonplace on the pee wee soccer field. Take note. And go out of your way this week and thank your local pee wee soccer coach for his patience.

Nothing Much You'd Be Interested In!

2007-09-12T20:09:00.000-04:00

Our family seems to have hit its stride. I think I've said that before but I think we're hitting it even more. Noteworthy milestones are spaced much further apart than they used to be. We get the video camer out less and less. As families should, we're left celebrating things that only families can appreciate.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, it seems we're daily surprised at the amount of English our girls pick up. (We should be at the point where we get surprised when we're surprised.) Most readers are probably thinking "would you get off the English thing? We're ready for something new."

If there was something new, I'd write about it. Our family is just normal. Period. (That's a good thing.)

(At least we consider ourselves normal.)

But back to English. One of Rhonda's friends visited the other night. After observing only a few interactions between Rhonda and Neti, her jaw dropped in amazement. She locked eyes with Rhonda and said, "Oh my goodness, she speaks English! When did that happen?" (She had just seen Neti a few weeks earlier).

We used to assume that the little girls from Ethiopia didn't know what we were saying at the dinner table. Not so anymore. Mouth full, Kailey announced that after dinner she was planning to play with what sounded like Lolly and Meke.

Neti indignantly replied, "Hey, I'm not no Lolly."

Picture of the Day!

2007-09-11T20:15:00.000-04:00

On a more serious note, though...

Meke came to me after dinner and said, "Daddy, tummy owww." She's got a temperature of 103.5 F.

Our Four Year Old

2007-09-05T22:07:00.000-04:00

Another Neti Milestone

2007-09-04T22:12:00.000-04:00

We found out tonight that Neti can count from 1 to 100. And we also found out that she recognizes every number. I randomly pointed to numbers on a 1-to-100 numbers chart and she was able to recite them on command.

Tomorrow's Meke's 4th birthday. She's excited as can be. I'm sure we'll have lots of pictures to share.

Labor Day Weekend Pictures

2007-09-03T22:28:00.000-04:00

On Sunday afternoon we went to my cousin's driving range and putt putt course with the entire extended family. Here are some pics. We'll start with Grandpa and Grandma with the family.

No aim necessary. Proper technique optional. This is what makes putt putt such a great game for kids. Neti made a pinball-style hole-in-one that bounced off of at least 6 surfaces before dramatically rimming off the back of the hole, bouncing straight up about a foot into the air and right into the center of the hole.

After the driving range closed, all the kids grabbed the baskets and did a massive golf ball hunt on acres of lush green grass. Reminded us all of Easter.

Neti, Meke, and Kailey sprinted to get into Uncle Dennis' truck for a ride around the woods...

...but the minute the truck started moving it triggered something very negative in Meke. She tried jumping out of the truck while it was moving.

A New Uncle

2007-09-01T23:30:00.000-04:00

Some English words are just plain hard to an Ethiopian 3-year-old. Like "unbuckle". "Uncle Buckle" is much easier and gets you much more attention.

Fixing Meke's "Game"

2007-09-01T22:48:00.000-04:00

It doesn't happen often, but once is way too much. We've not seen it since Ethiopia. We thought we broke Meke of her little "game" that can quickly turn into any parent's nightmare.

Here's what happens. Meke, in an especially playful mood, begins playing "hard to get". Then, before you realize it she's gone. She playfully runs away. WAY away.

She did it twice in Ethiopia. She did it again today.

Our family was in an Indiana Wesleyan student's room getting the grand tour. When it came time to go I asked Meke if she wanted to give Justina a hug. She playfully smiled and stepped outside into the hallway. Not expecting an Ethiopia flashback, I gave the conversation a few more seconds of my attention before following Meke. A few seconds was all she needed. By the time I popped my head out Meke was just a few steps from being out of sight.

I quickened my pace in pursuit, thinking she'd stop at the lobby. I reached the lobby.

No Meke.

She was already outside. Now in a dead sprint I crashed through the doors (cutting my hand in the process) and scooped her up just a few steps before running into the street.

She squealed with excitment! Not good.

Daddy had a serious heart-to-heart talk with his soon to be 4-year-old right there on the spot!

"No, Meke. No run away. Stay with Daddy. No run away. Meke safe with Daddy."

Unlike our first conversation six weeks ago concerning this subject matter, the words seemed to hit their mark. Her happy face turned sober within seconds. She knew she'd done wrong by the tone of my voice. But unlike last time there were no tears. She stared at the ground instead.

I picked her up as she continued to stare. Not able to look me in the eye or speak, she buried her face in my neck and held tightly with her little arms. Still no tears. Still staring.

All the way back to the hotel, Meke stared out the window in silence. When we arrived she silently unbuckled and reached back up to her Daddy to reoccupy her place in my arms.

I hope she's learned.

Who Vacations THERE?!?!?!

2007-09-01T22:00:00.000-04:00

Who in their right mind travels to Marion, Indiana, for a weekend getaway?

You guessed it!

My parents traveled from Iowa to Marion for a family reunion. Since it's only 3 hours away, it was a good chance for Grandpa and Grandma Waal to meet the girls. Plus we have two students from our church who are attending Indiana Wesleyan University this year. Marion seemed like the place to be this Labor Day weekend.

Meke began chanting "Ga-lampa Wol, Ga-lamma Wol" when we were about 10 minutes out. (Any word with an "R" in the middle of it gets a bonus syllable.) The girls took to them immediately. Nothing awkward at all about the first meeting. In fact, the day ended like this:

Meke laughing at the orangutan at the Fort Wayne Zoo.

Neti and Bethany with a long-dead elephant.

Kailey's Dream Date!

Can't go anywhere without someone breaking something!

Caffeine-infused train ride

Lots of fun, but probably something we'll eventually be arrested for.
Long Day!

Great Friends

2007-08-28T09:41:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago some very close friends of our family moved away to Atlanta. They've just settled in enough to send us the picture of our last day together. Pray for the Parrys! From all reports they're adjusting well.

One More

2007-08-23T18:55:00.000-04:00

Rhonda tells me I forgot one thing on my list from earlier today about communication with Neti:

"Yes" might mean "yes" but can just about as often mean "no" or "I don't understand"

And unrelated...So we're sitting at the table tonight...

Out of the blue Neti says, "Neti and Meke, no boss. Bethany and Kailey, just a little bit boss. Mommy and Daddy, big boss!"

Yet Another New Chapter

2007-08-23T12:23:00.001-04:00

You may have noticed I haven't posted in awhile. The past 10 days have been a super-busy time of getting our new life figured out. Things are changing around our home. It goes beyond the adoption but is very related.

If you've been a reader of this blog very long, you know how passionate our family has become about our faith driving us to make a difference in the lives of those less fortunate than us. My first post sums up our heart pretty well.

It has become evident that God is moving us on to something new. We don't know the specific details yet. We do know that our future has something to do with directly ministering to the forgotten members of society. Wherever that road leads, we're officially on it!

Effective August 31, I've resigned my position as youth pastor at Oregon Nazarene Church after 8 1/2 absolutely wonderful years. This was a heartwrenching decision. There's not an ounce of bad blood between us and anyone in the church. In fact, our tenure with the church has been amazing. The teens in the youth group right now are among the best we've ever had. The youth workers are second to none. And the people of the church have loved us very well.

Which is all what made this decision so difficult.

Oregon Nazarene will be "sending" us (not in a get-out-of-here way, but in a you-have-our-blessing way). They've been very supportive in our decision, largely because they've seen the difference our faith has made in two little girl's lives. They see the connection.

There's one good friend, though, who every time he sees me says, "Have I ever told you I'm not happy with what you're doing?" (then smiles).

The next year is about providing stability for our family and preparing for whatever this is we're doing!

Meanwhile, for the past month or so I've been searching for a way to support my family financially. Nothing seems to fit. (It seems there's a shortage of copier salespeople in Toledo if anyone's interested). On August 4 I decided to go back to my roots. I'm a third-generation carpenter. There's a shortage of handymen in Toledo. I'm starting my own business.

Since that decision we've had day-after-day confirmation that it was the right choice. Last Thursday alone I was able to purchase a new (to me) pickup for half the bluebook value. On the way home I stumbled across a tool sale in a guy's garage. He probably had over $100,000 worth of tools in his shop. Retired and wanting to make space in his shop, I bought $3000 worth of tools for $400.

Nearly every day someone calls and asks me to work for them. Some I know. Some I don't. We haven't even advertised yet. I don't even have business cards printed. The website just went live a few hours ago. Yet I've already got more than a half-dozen jobs lined up and several more to look at.

This Sunday the church has planned something special for us. It's my last Sunday as a member of the paid staff.

2007 has been an adventurous year!

Neti's Teacher

2007-08-23T10:59:00.000-04:00

When Mrs. Rollins found out Neti was going to be in her class this year, she went to our blogsite and started reading. When Neti walked into the room during open house she was greeted by an excited teacher who knew her by name without introduction.

Mrs. Rollins has picked up on some of the nuances of communication with Neti from simply reading our blog. For example, she knows that "No" might not mean "No" for Neti. We're happy to have a teacher who is committed to making the transition happen smoothly.

Well, since you're reading, Mrs. Rollins, here are a few other things we've picked up on when communicating with Neti. We believe that several of these are cultural, so other families adopting from Ethiopia may want to take note too.

"Come Here" - In America we summon someone to "come here" with our palm up and pulling our arms (or hands) toward ourselves. Neti puts her arm out with palm DOWN and pulls her fingers toward herself.
Pointing - Both our girls point with their middle fingers. It's usually a pretty subtle gesture that goes largely unnoticed. This was not the case, however, when Meke stood up on my lap, squealed, and pointed to the ceiling fans on her first week in a church service.
Shrugging - Both girls have shrugged with one shoulder when we ask them a yes-no question. We originally interpreted this to mean "I don't care" or "I don't know". But 100% of the time so far we've discovered that it actually means "no". Not sure if it's a cultural thing or a toddler "I-don't-want-to-answer-you" thing.
Wave and Frown - Both Neti and Meke shake their heads "no". But about half the time they indicate "no" by a quick wave, sometimes in front of their face, sometimes not. Most of the time the wave is accompanied by a facial gesture that communicates "no" also.
"Yes" - Meke is especially good at this one but Neti does it on occasion too. Insead of the nonverbal nod of the head, they'll both raise their eyebrows and lift up their chin. It's kind of an American cool guy wave. Imagine a car driving by while a guy's mowing the lawn. Instead of taking a hand off the lawnmower he just makes eye contact and throws his head back.
"I have no idea what you just said" - You may not be connecting when Meke gives a big cheesy smile and then looks away. For Neti, you'll see every one of her teeth and she'll let out one of her infectious giggles that bends her over at the waist. Or maybe you've just said something funny she happens to understand.

In summary:

"No" can mean "wait a minute".
A wave can mean "hello", "goodbye", or "no".
A single shrugged shoulder might mean "no".
Getting flipped the bird can mean "look up there".
A big smile can mean "I like you" or "What in the world are you talking about?"
And laughing can mean "you're a really funny person" or "I don't have a clue what you're saying."

It's all context. See how much fun this is! Wouldn't trade it for the world!

First Day of School

2007-08-23T10:34:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was the first day of school for three of our girls. Neti and Kailey are at the same school.

Bethany's now a 7th grader!
And Meke is learning to go without Neti during the day. Lots of tears this morning when Rhonda dropped Neti off but she's doing fine.

Anatomy of a Hairdo

2007-08-14T22:34:00.001-04:00

STAGE 1 - Anticipation STAGE 2 - The Fade
STAGE 3 - Reinforcements
STAGE 4 - The Nod
STAGE 5 - In the zone! STAGE 6 - You can do this!
STAGE 7 - Done

STAGE 8 - Time for bed and completely wired!

Hair

2007-08-14T22:04:00.000-04:00

Neti had her school pictures yesterday. I think Rhonda did a fine job.

Rote Memory

2007-08-14T21:52:00.000-04:00

Every now and then we catch Neti and Meke chanting something where our ears would catch a random English word or two. It begins with the counting sequence that caused Meke to exclaim "Sunday Apples!" It wasn't until tonight that we were able to get them to repeat it from beginning to end as I scribbled it down on paper. We still think this was part of their pre-orphanage experience. Here it is:

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, eight, ninety, hundred, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, straight, curve, zigzag, diagonal, vertical, horizontal, circle, triangle, rectangle, cylinder, oval, pyramid, square, cube, yellow, orange, black green blue, brown, white, pink, red, green, rose, violet, near, far, narrow, wide, short, tall, high, low, fat, thin, big, small, slow, fast, full, empty (pronounced EMM-puh-tee)

Language Update

2007-08-13T21:30:00.000-04:00

It doesn't happen every day, but it happens fairly regularly. Neti and Meke are really beginning to amaze me with how quickly they've picked up the language. It's been just under a month. We've taught them several phrases from day one. It doesn't surprise us when they say, "May I be excused?" at the dinner table (or, in Meke's case, "May I be dis-cused?"). We taught them that phrase.

It is surprising when a collection of independently learned words form a sentence that fits the context of the conversation. We're really beginning to communicate.

Take today, for example. It was Meke's turn to pick out a video. She grabbed a video and brought it over to me and asked, "This one you like?"

"Yes, I like Babe, but Neti likes Chicken Run".

Meke replied, "Babe first, Chicken Run two" (as in "second").

Neti's picking up the language even more quickly. When Meke gets in trouble Neti now tells her what she's doing wrong in English. Today while I was at work Meke got a toy taken away from her for not sharing. When I got home I asked Meke where it was.

Neti jumped in, "Mommy and I put it away. Meke not share."

She starts kindergarten next week.

Becoming Normal

2007-08-12T22:05:00.001-04:00

We're just two days away from the one-month mark of bringing our girls home. I think we're hitting our stride. How do I know? We haven't taken a picture of Neti and Meke since last weekend.

Our First Family Outing

2007-08-09T13:47:00.000-04:00

Last weekend we traveled down to the big metropolis of Gibsonburg to visit some close friends. The 30-minute drive officially made it the longest post-Ethiopia trip we've taken with our family of six. In addition to a visit to the neighbor's horse farm and the park, Neti found an 84 year old friend named JJ.

Rote Memorization Has Its Drawbacks!

2007-08-05T21:49:00.001-04:00

In the long run this is not good...but it's cute as can be right now!

Follow the Leader

2007-08-05T21:46:00.000-04:00

Be careful who you allow to have influence over your kids as they may turn out different than you envisioned.

Newest Family Photo

2007-08-04T23:12:00.001-04:00

Is Sesame Street This Good?!?!?!

2007-08-04T15:41:00.000-04:00

Rhonda brought home two small white dry erase boards yesterday. We gave them to Neti and Meke today expecting random scribbles. To our amazement Neti immediately began writing. She was on "G" before I could get the video camera.

She receieved absolutely no coaching from us and said every character out loud as she wrote it down. I think she's definately kindergarten material!

(Note: today is three weeks to the day we arrived home from Ethiopia!)

A Few Steps Back

2007-08-01T22:05:00.000-04:00

For the first two full weeks things have gone much better than we ever expected. Neti and Meke's integration into the family felt complete. Still does. However, we've hit a bump in the road as of late.

We first noticed a change in Neti just a few days ago. During the day you wouldn't notice a difference. She still picks up new English words every day. She makes jokes ("Daddy little, Neti BIIIIIGGGG!" - giggle). She tickles her sisters, sings along with Bob and Larry, squeals in amusement at anything new, and regularly flashes a toothless smile while throwing her head back with yet another infectious giggle.

Bedtime introduces a different world. No longer does Neti find rest quickly. Instead, she spends the better part of an hour (or more) laying on her side, eyes glassy, sleep elusive. She's lost in a world only an orphan of her age could understand.

It seems grief has caught up to our little girl after being held at bay by scores of distractions thrown at her by the new world she's found herself in.

What's she grieving? Can't say for sure. The old country with the busy streets? The food? Her friends at the orphanage? The smell? Her bed? Her teachers? Her language? Culture? She's lost all these things in a very short time period.

What about the death of Mom and Dad? When a child of 6 assumes the role of Mom, does she bypass the grief process because of the added weight of responsibility? Who know's what Neti's grieving? And who knows how long she's held it in?

Meke hasn't slept as well either. She tosses and turns. She wakes up crying and sweaty. Last night she fell out of bed. Then she woke up at 5:30 and didn't want to go back to sleep.

But when the sun comes up things renew. Happy Neti and Bouncy Meke attack the day with the intensity of a child on Christmas morning. The video clips of giggling girls that many of you have watched over and over repeat themselves in realtime on a daily basis. During the day you wouldn't know that something heavy is rolling around inside those little heads.

I know this is a normal part of the process. With things going so well I though we had somehow leapfrogged the inevitable. Now here we are, dealing with the grief of two little girls.

Don't interpret this entry as a complaint, disappointment, or a play for sympathy. It's just to keep you informed. This is what we expected. This is what we signed up to do.

We ask for your prayers for our grieving girls.

No News is Good News

2007-07-30T18:48:00.001-04:00

At least it is in our case. The integration of Neti and Meke into our lives has been an amazing thing. Not completely flawless but much closer to flawless than we ever expected. Apprehensions have completely disappeared. Everyone seems to be settling into their new roles well (at least the roles required to this point). The older and younger girls are acting like sisters.

We're amazed at the speed in which Neti is picking up English in the last 2-3 days. Less than a week ago she was a one-word communicator. Today I patted my stomach before sitting down to dinner. In response Neti said, "Daddy big tummy." She's been independently stringing correctly constructed phrases with 3-4 words on a fairly regular basis.

And somehow she even knows how to read - I think. Actually, I don't know what to think. Yesterday morning she picked up a spiral bound book and said, "Nose," as she pointed to the cover. I took the book expecting to see a picture of someone's schnoz. Instead, her finger was pointing to a word. The word? "NOTES". Pretty close.

I asked all the English speakers in our family. None of them have ever showed the book to her. No one taught her to read or write the word "nose". Not sure what to think about it. Either she's extremely gifted in language, extremely lucky, or has some background with English letter sounds.

Meke's Hobby

2007-07-30T18:39:00.000-04:00

This little girl doesn't need much to entertain her. Obviously, her rhythm and moves are either genetically inherited or culturally implanted. She doesn't even need music. She creates her own.

Gifts from Iowa

2007-07-27T00:09:00.001-04:00

My mother made these quilts for her newest grandkids.